Why Changing Your Boundaries Is Not Failure

One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn about boundaries is that they don’t stay the same forever.

We sometimes treat boundaries like a set of rules: once you’ve decided them, they’re permanent. But that’s not how human beings work. We don’t stay the same throughout our lifetime. We are shifting and growing. We move through desert seasons and mountaintop seasons — we experience seasons where our capacity to hold and engage with others is expansive and seasons where that capacity shrinks down to be very small. And when our boundaries are able to reflect our actual needs, they will shift and change with us.

For some of us, this can feel especially uncomfortable. If you grew up coping through fawning (pleasing others in order to stay safe) or fleeing (withdrawing from demands or discomfort to stay safe), then naming different boundaries in different seasons might feel like you’re letting others down. It can feel shaky, even shameful; it can feel like you’re being “inconsistent.” But it’s not inconsistent to allow your boundaries to shift with your needs; it’s integrity and growth showing up for you.

To adapt your boundaries is to give yourself permission to have a voice. To say: this is what I need right now, in this season — this is how we can connect in a way that is authentic and good. That kind of honesty creates trust and, with the right people, can actually improve our connections.

The opposite happens when we set boundaries out of “shoulds” or good intentions that don’t reflect our actual capacity. We tell ourselves we’ll always be available, always say yes, always show up in the same way. And when we can’t measure up to those expectations, we isolate. We freeze in shame. Instead of drawing us closer to people, those rigid boundaries push us into hiding.

But when boundaries are flexible, when they grow with us, they become places for freedom and connection to flourish. They allow us to engage relationships with presence instead of pretense.

Scripture gives us this picture in Ecclesiastes 3:

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” A time to speak and a time to be silent. A time to embrace and a time to refrain. If God acknowledges that life itself moves in rhythms and seasons, then it makes sense that our boundaries will move with us.


Maybe your boundaries today look different than they did five years ago, or even five months ago. That’s not failure. That’s faithfulness. It means you’re listening to your body, your story, and the Spirit who meets you right where you are.

So here’s the invitation: let your boundaries shift. Let them reflect your real needs. Let them help you tell the truth about what you need for authentic connection with the people you love. Because honest boundaries don’t create distance, they create trust.

Gentle Practice: 

Take five minutes to reflect on this: where have my boundaries shifted in this season? Do they reflect who I actually am right now, or who I think I “should” be? If you find a gap, consider how you might voice that truth to someone safe this week.


With compassion for our shifting seasons,

Mallory Albrecht 
Cohort Leadership Director