The Shadow Side of Your Capacity

Do you believe the lie that if you could just fix all the problems of the people you love most, then you'd finally feel peace? Me too. Well, I used to.

I know better but, especially in seasons of transition or grief, I notice the pull to overextend myself. I don’t do this out of love, but fear.

It's a trauma response dressed up like helpful service.

Today as I write this, I’m 16 weeks pregnant. Historically, my pregnancies have come in seasons of upheaval. Motherhood felt like a trap, as if I’d been sidelined by God and abandoned by people who were supposed to walk with me. I tried to overcompensate by proving I was more than “just a mom.” I kept pushing, overcommitting, carrying more than I needed to, all while nursing babies on my hip.

This pregnancy was a surprise, but a kind one.

God had prepared the soil of my heart to receive this good gift. It has felt immensely different than it has in the past. Still, old patterns die hard. I caught myself recently trying to fit this new life into an already full one. Keep doing everything, I thought. Just add the baby. 

But I recognized the lie this time. I saw the fear. 

I'm not in survival mode anymore. I actually get to live this season differently.
 

In response, I’ve been surrendering by saying no to good things I simply can’t carry right now, receiving help and investing in support for my family. 

And here’s what surprised me—this surrender has come with deep sorrow.
 

I don’t want to be limited. I want to be limitless.
But even Jesus, when He took on flesh, was limited.
 

My gift of service, my high capacity, and drive to care deeply are good gifts. God gave them to me, and they bring real joy. But when I use those gifts to secure my sense of worth or belonging in relationships, it becomes a fearfully motivated trauma response.

Trauma responses aren't signs of weakness, they're survival strategies from childhood formed when we were powerless to the circumstances we were subject to. But over time, especially when unhealed, they can distort our God-given gifts, relationships, and sense of self. Healing involves learning to notice these patterns with compassion, grieve the wounds that caused them, and replace them with grounded, loving responses that align with truth.

This is the real work, what we call "Work from Worth."

It’s what we explore deeply in our mentorship program—how trauma responses and ungrieved stories can shape how we show up in our work, our homes, even in our relationship with God.

Because when we lead from fear, when we hustle to secure what God already gave us, we end up working for our worth instead of from it.

Healing is possible.
It’s slow. Holy.
But it leads to the peace we were made for.
 

Tori
Freedom Coach & Director of Marketing & Strategy